Sometimes you just have to be silly... and then go down memory lane...

I miss acting sometimes. Just like writing, it gives you a chance to leave reality for a bit and be someone else. Thank goodness for social media and reels, so there is somewhat an acting wagon you can jump on. Let me guide you through acting memory lane for a bit...

Many years ago, I was part of a Christian traveling musical theater group. "Wings of Music". It was so much fun. I was mostly part of the ensemble, but I was the second lead singer in "Master of the House" with my uncle being my husband. It was so much freaking fun. Mind you, the lyrics are pretty bad, so some of it was changed to less offensive language and I had a blast. I was pretty shy during those years, well, at least around people I didn't know that well, so showing what I was capable of and surprising people was pretty cool. The recording is pretty bad. I recorded it off the actual video, and so yeah, the quality sucks, but the sound is okayish. 

This song is done in German.

 

After I was diagnosed with depression, I decided I didn't just want to take medication. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am super grateful for the pills that substitute the missing chemicals in my brain and let me be happy and a lot less sad, but I wanted to do something on top of that. Something for me. Something I always wanted to do. Since we were living in San Diego at that time, I started taking acting classes, did lots of auditions and even did a few short films. It was fun, even though very stressful. I didn't struggle with anxiety during that time, and so I spent a lot of time on the freeway driving from San Diego to LA. I absolutely hate Los Angeles, and the traffic is one of the worst ever, but when you love something as much as I do acting, you'll even put up with the crap of the things you dislike. 

One of the directors I worked with put together this demo reel for me. Made me feel a little more professional.

And yes, I received credit and have a page on IMDb, even though not in use and nothing like the famous actors have, but it was super cool, when I found out, I had a page on there.

Here is a video audition I did once. I actually got the commercial role and went twice for filming, which was super cool. Unfortunately, the commercial never aired, since the producer had a different project more important to her, but hey I got paid pretty well for like thirty minutes filming time each time, so I am not going to complain.

Trigger Warning!!!! (suicide and depression awareness)

One of the most important projects I was part of, was the short film "Can you see me?" Although shot and directed in San Diego, the producer wanted me to do the film in German, and he added the subtitles in English. It is not a happy film, but was made to raise awareness for depression and suicide. I am struggling with depression, but I never thought about suicide. So even though, this film hit home to a point, it is sad, that some people think there is no way out except ending it all. 

After the release of this little film, I sent the link to family and friends to see what they thought of it. The feedback was remarkable. I had several responses in which they praised my acting, but also asked if I was okay and that this wasn't actually reality for me. I think there is no better compliment for an actor than having people worry about your well-being because you made it look and seem real.

I put the trigger warning on this for a reason. "Can you see me?" does not have a happy ending and even though it isn't super graphic, it can be intense for anyone who has dealt with suicide or attempted suicide before. We used fake blood they use in movies. The stuff is tough to get off again and so on my way home I was hoping the entire time that the police wouldn't stop me for whatever reason and think I had really attempted to do the deed.